When someone you care about moves into a care home, it can stir up all kinds of feelings, relief that they’re safe and supported, guilt that you couldn’t "do it all" at home, sadness over the change, and even fear that you’ll grow apart. These emotions are completely normal.
But here’s the good news: just because someone has moved into a care home doesn’t mean your role in their life has ended. In fact, your presence, support, and involvement are more important than ever. You’re still family.
So, how can you stay involved, meaningfully and practically, without feeling like you're intruding or overstepping? Here are some gentle, helpful ways to keep that connection strong.
1. Make Visits Count (Even If They're Short)
You don’t need to spend hours every time. A 30-minute chat, a cup of tea, or simply sitting together can make someone's whole day. You could bring an old photo album to spark memories, do a puzzle together, or watch a favourite show.
And if regular visits are hard (due to distance, health, or life), even a video call or handwritten note can bring a lot of comfort.
2. Get to Know the Staff
Introduce yourself to the people who are caring for your loved one. They can give you insights into how your loved one is doing day-to-day and will appreciate your involvement. A friendly relationship with the care team creates a sense of partnership and trust, which is good for everyone.
3. Celebrate the Big (and Small) Stuff
Birthdays, holidays, anniversaries… mark them. Bring in decorations, a favourite treat, or some family photos. But also celebrate the everyday: the sunny days, a good meal, or a new pair of slippers. These little shared moments help keep life feeling full and connected.
4. Keep Familiar Routines Alive
If you used to call every Sunday afternoon, keep doing it. If you always brought flowers from your garden in the spring, bring them now. These habits create continuity and comfort.
5. Be Their Voice When Needed
Sometimes your loved one might not speak up for themselves, whether it’s about food, comfort, activities, or medical needs. If something feels off or you’re unsure, don’t be afraid to politely raise concerns or ask questions. You’re still their advocate.
6. Share News from Home
Life outside the care home doesn’t stop, and your loved one probably wants to hear all about it, who got a new job, what the dog’s been up to, and how the grandkids are doing. Bring the outside world in.
Photos, cards, drawings, and even voicemails can help them feel connected and included.
7. Encourage Social Activities, but Don’t Force Them
Many care homes have great activities and events. If your loved one is hesitant, a little encouragement can go a long way, especially if you join in for bingo, music hour, or a garden walk. Just be sure to follow their lead.
8. Look After Yourself, Too
Your emotional health matters. It’s okay to feel a mix of things, and it’s okay to take breaks. Supporting someone in care doesn’t mean losing yourself in the process. Staying strong and balanced helps you stay involved for the long run.
A move into a care home is a big transition, but it’s not the end of your relationship; it’s just a new chapter. Whether you're visiting weekly or writing monthly letters, your love and presence matter more than you may realise.
Small gestures go a long way. And just being there, in whatever way you can, is one of the most powerful things you can do.